Top 20 Worst Songs of 2014:

A bumper crop year so let’s dive right in…




1.The Chainsmokers Selfie: it was only a matter of time for such internet-related language to be turned into a crappy pop hit.






2. Play-N-Skillz feat. Redfoo, Lil Jon & Enertia McFly Literally, I Can’t: never knew a song could literally only be its chorus repeatedly. And the crunk as the aside only distracts temporarily.






3. Ricky Carty Gyal Tek Cocky: only in Jamaica is it hype for repeatedly violent sex seen as something accomplished.






4. Jason Derulo feat. Snoop Dogg Wiggle: I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: Derulo singing bout a children’s game or the dry chorus.






5. Spice & Vybz Kartel Conjugal Visit: its 2014, using certain raw words to describe the animalistic nature of a good fuck just isn’t startling anymore.






6. Florida Georgia Line Sun Daze: I’m not even sure what genre this is because the tiresome reference to ska is suffused by guitars and country-fed vocals…no wonder its such a mess.






7. Swans Some Things We Do: for such a highly-regarded band, this repetitive track is one huge clunker.






8. Lil B Fuck KD: nothing wrong with doing a diss track on a pro athlete, but at least make it good.






9. Avril Lavigne Hello Kitty: remember when Avril was semi-relevant as an emo artist? Now, all I can do is laugh and not in the good way.






10. Mkto Classic: name-dropping famous soul singers does not a classic make.






11. Weezer Back to The Shack: for such a highly-touted band, Weezer should know better.






12. Magic Rude: not even a serious effort to sound stoned, just hides behind the ska smokescreen.






13. The Bug feat. Death Grips Fuck A Bitch: wearisome misogyny masquerading as a serious track.






14. Lily Allen Air Balloon: not even her staunchest fan can defend this slick pop nothingness.






15. Ay Streatz Wut Chu Tryna Do: there’s a thin line between being a sex hound and being a joke. This is laughable at best.






16. Mary Lambert Secrets: tries to be smart but ends up a ridiculous parody instead.






17. 5 Seconds Of Summer She Looks So Perfect: the sad thing is that I think these guys really think they’re hardcore. Scary.






18. Mariah Carey You’re Mine: wretched 90s throwback.






19. Pitbull feat. G.R.L. Wild Wild Love: generic to its materialistic core.






20. Fergie feat. Yg L.A.Love (la la): her return single may have thematically travelled all over the globe but its stuck in transit in reality.

2014 BEST NEW ARTISTS:

Not much happened this year for new artists musically but we still got some sure shots for a bright future. Here are the brightest:



THE YEAR'S BEST NEW ARTIST IS:


Kate Tempest: the established young poet did the unexpected: tried her hand at a Brit hip/hop album and it worked. Maybe it’s her writing oeuvre (winning the 2013 Ted Hughes award) but Everybody Down was a tale of life grimly put utterly relevant.




Best of the rest (in no particular order)…



Gem Jones: Prince Revivalist? Sure sounds like it!



FKA Twigs: its taken me a while to warm to her but finally, I’m convinced.



Mr. Little Jeans: one of the formidable Norwegian pop babes, Monica Birkenes’ grooves are heavenly and highly contagious.



White Lung: though they’ve been known in native Canada since 2010, it’s this year that the rest of us really have gotten to know the band’s giddy punk rock—and yes it does remind one of Hole.



Alvvays: the Toronto-based band has been winning over fans and critics alike with their heart-drenched pop ballads.



Temples: when Noel Gallaher goes stumping hard for you, you know something special is there and these Brits deliver the goods on their debut.



Cherry Glazerr: the L.A. garage bang has the stiff upper lip diva attitude in spades.



Perfect Pussy: propelled by a massive lead single, this band catches all deserved breaks.



Champs: these two brothers (Michae and David) record chorus-heavy songs and hopefully they’ll be around a long time.



Vince Staples: dude’s only 21 but got a smooth rap game.



Jungle: the British band presents an interesting 70s-based take on soul and superfly chic.



Sylvan Esso: great pop juxtaposition from two defectors of separate bands.



Viet Cong: two members of the band Women defected and, presto, this Canadian outfit now totally rocks.

Top 15 Worst Films of 2014:

As always the disclaimer: this list is regulated by one rule only—it’s all films that I actually watched. Last year’s selections were worse and I feel, but for the really cheesy ones, this year was a general ‘improvement’. That said, certain names and franchises just continue to sink while others took themselves a little bit more serious (hello Transformers) and thus elevated themselves into average movie-going fare instead of being God-awful. What is extremely disheartening about most of the films featured this year is that they had material provided for them to deliver but in the end they bombed. Here are the films that made me cringe the most:






1.A Haunted House 2: the first installation was a dud and here is its weak follow-up. MY RATING: 0.5/10






2.Tusk: I don’t even know where to start with this disaster: Michael Park’s long, boring monologues, Justin Long’s hideous squeals or Johnny Depp’s ridiculous French accent This is just all-around dismal. MY RATING: 1/10






3.TMNT: the story would be decent enough but Bay had to gross us out with those awful CGI imagery. MY RATING: 3/10






4.Tammy: triple duty for Melissa McCarthy in this one; she starred, wrote and produced it and it’s no wonder why she’s so uncontrollably over the top in it. MY RATING: 3/10






5.Mischief Night: more dull than God-awful yet still nonsensical. MY RATING: 3/10






6.Before I Go Sleep: Nicole Kidman’s career continues to spiral downwards. In this latest flop, she’s a woman who forgets her memories every time she wakes up the next morning. Why wouldn’t she---her films are forgettable for quite a while now. MY RATING: 3.5/10






7.Left Behind: no one has had more films featured in this list over the years than Nicholas Cage and in that grand tradition, here he shows up as a pilot trying to discover what makes, all of a sudden, children disappear into thin air along with Christians. Oy… MY RATING: 3.5/10






8.Only Lovers Left Alive: nominated last year for the Palme D’or at Cannes and being directed by Jim Jarmusch, I had high hopes. Initially I felt the banter with Tilda Swinton and everyone she came in contact with would grow but as the film soldiers on, it becomes a tedious no-show and no one wants to admit apparently the obvious: its constant and irritating pretentiousness. MY RATING: 4/10






9.The Amazing Spiderman 2: Jamie Foxx covered in blue as a villain is the main offender but now Spiderman himself is becoming pretty corny too. MY RATING: 4/10






10.Annabelle: doing a prequel with literally no ties to what came before makes no sense and trying to copy better films in hope of connecting to something genuine is downright ridiculous. MY RATING: 4/10






11.Noah: too many washed up Oscar winners spoiling the broth and those CGI talking tree things—pretty sure they weren’t in the Bible, Mr. Aronofsky! MY RATING: 4/10






12.Winter’s Tale: this was Akinva Goldsman’s directorial debut and it showed: multiple plots cross wires so often that it’s hard to keep up. Mark Helprin’s novel is rough terrain as is and I’m still unsure about that white horse’s motives. MY RATING: 4/10






13.Maleficent: after being a bridesmaid on so many occasions, Angelina Jolie has surely wrapped up a Razzie for this preposterous film. MY RATING: 4/10






14.The Maze Runner: in this current Hunger Games world, similar films are being produced at break-neck speed. This film is based on James Dashner’s novel that is only five years old. Dylan O’Brien as the savior of an experiment is a stretch but everything else here is the real disaster. MY RATING: 4/10






15.Hercules: one of two Hercules films released this year (I haven’t seen the other) but here is The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) going through literally the many labours of his character. This all begs one question: how many times do we need to do this to get this story semi-decent? MY RATING: 4/10

Top 10 Most Overrated Albums of 2014:

It’s been a terribly boring year in music and when year-end time comes and critics mull over the slim pickings, they usually revert to “safe” choices. By “safe” of course I mean those names they’ve relied on in the past. So, given the context of not a lot happening in 2014, here are the ten ultra-hyped albums of a pretty forgettable year:






1.Aphex Twin Syro: Richard D. James’ first album in thirteen years has gotten an universal ‘good to be back’ pat on the back from critics but how many of them have really listened to it? It’s a seven year project in ambient and it sounds terribly dated and mere experiments penned to music. (METACRITIC 8.9/10)






2. Swans To Be Kind: just like the band’s previous album—it too featured highly on this list two years ago—this one features excessive empty space. This time though, Swans have learned repetitive lyrics and that makes To Be Kind beyond dull. (METACRITIC 8.9/10)






3. Beck Morning Phase: Beck hasn’t been his brilliant self well over a decade now but this sounded like a funeral procession. (METACRITIC 8.1/10)






4. The War On Drugs Lost In The Dream: being named on virtually every list being put out but this isn’t even better than their last LP, which was pretty good by the way. (METACRITIC 8.6/10)






5. Jack White Lazaretto: yet to find his feet as a solo artist like when he was leading a band. (METACRITIC 8/10)






6. Leonard Cohen Popular Problems: I guess it’s heresy not to consider everything he does at this stage as a masterpiece. (METACRITIC 8.6/10)






7. Ben Frost Aurora: still awaiting the lyrics for this sculptured noise album because as inventive as the intention is, at the end of the day, there isn’t much here those who reside above the underground can graft. (METACRITIC 8.4/10)






8. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib Pinata: decent stuff but both artists have done much better stuff so its puzzling why Rate Your Music has this at number 4 for the year. (METACRITIC 8.2/10)






9. Flying Lotus You’re Dead: good to finally hear vocals thrown in but that’s not enough to justify the critical buzz. (METACRITIC 8.8/10)






10. Sun Kil Moon Benji: while I appreciate the autobiographical lyrics, this would work better as a book of poetry…on record its just drab sheet music. (METACRITIC 8.5/10)