Monday, December 2, 2013

2013: Top 15 Worst Films (That I Saw):



It figures that in a year where most critics have struggled to come up with great films to highlight going into December, a bumper crop of really horrible ones flourished. This usually is a top ten list but I decided to add five more in recognition of the crap that we all went to see this year.


There may be more or worse films but these were the ones I saw…





1. Carrie: a remake of the Stephen King horror classic, this time so painfully wrought with clich├ęd expressions and lack of a cohesive script. Both leads should have known better.

MY RATING: 0/10








2. After Earth: Will Smith and his son…how the hell did this idea pass any studio meeting?

MY RATING: 1/10








3. A Haunted House: it matters little what Marlon Wayans comes in once its comedy, prepare for gut-wrenching crap.

MY RATING: 1/10









4. Scary Movie 5: Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are in this unfunny franchise…you need no further deterrent.

MY RATING: 1.5/10








5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D: boring and utterly pointless, we don’t need another remake.

MY RATING: 1.5/10








6. Gangster Squad: Sean Penn acts as if he has lead in his mouth and poor Ryan Gosling’s downward spiral continues with this film that misses its mark despite packing an impressive cast.

MY RATING: 3.5/10









7. Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: we’re accepting of all these fantasy trilogies but I’ll give this one the Gandalf quip…”you shall not pass!”

MY RATING: 3.5/10










8. The Lone Ranger: Johnny Depp…sigh.

MY RATING: 3.5/10









9. R.I.P.D: the undead battle fellow undead…police versus bad ghosts. Pass.

MY RATING: 3.5/10








10. Beautiful Creatures: yet another pointless coming-of-age witch story.

MY RATING: 4/10








11. The Hangover III: the characters starting to get collectively annoying now.

MY RATING: 4/10









12. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters: Jeremy Renner really should know better.

MY RATING: 4/10








13. The Host: had a fairly solid story but the boring levels of this film are unmatched in Hollywood.

MY RATING: 4/10







14. Oz The Great and Powerful: but for the talking monkey, this would have been totally forgettable.

MY RATING: 4/10






15. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters: still here wishing the lead characters drowned mid-way through this film.

MY RATING: 4/10