Thursday, December 1, 2016
Listomana gets started this year with the most fun list I compile each year: the worst songs I had the displeasure of hearing. This is the fifth time I have done the list, the fourth year in a row. A few superlatives: two former year-end "champions" are back with one getting the dubious distinction of topping the list for an unprecedented second time. For the first time ever, one musician has amassed four (4) entries in one year, thus becoming the artist with the most-ever overall entries since I started the list. Also, for the first time six (6) different artists have multiple entries. Four (4) of the artists here have the odd distinction of being on this list AND my top 100 best songs of 2016 list, which will be revealed later this month.
The song selected as the absolute worst this year was picked mainly for the lazy braggadocio and offence level in its every fibre. The runner-up defies logic and I'm puzzled how any music producer worth their grain could involve themselves in such a venture. But in this age of memes and Youtube view count relevancy, any shit literally goes. Here is the list:
1. Snapchat (Soulja Boy ft. Lil Yachty & Rich The Kid): not only the worst song of the year but the most offensive too. Nothing remotely funny about a line, “she sent me that pussy on Snapchat/ she bustin’ it open”, absolutely nothing.
2. Don’t Mind Me (Ice JJ Fish): vomit-inducing shit looped over and over for nearly four minutes.
3. Young Mommy (Snooki): thankfully, short trash.
4. Spoons (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis): still trying to figure out what genre to banish this mess to.
5. Queen’s Speech 5 (Lady Leshurr): not only ridiculous lyrically but the Nicki Minaj-like delivery on lines like, “your lips look like crispy bacon”, makes one cringe.
6. Supposed To Be (Ice JJ Fish): here without production as foil, comes this trashy attempt at actual R&B. Penny dreadful stuff.
7. Sweatshirt (Jacob Sartorius): this ridiculous emerging trend of young teens making music for commercial use in America needs to stop pronto.
8. Dance Off (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Idris Elba & Anderson .Paak): but seriously, what the fuck is this?
9. Same Page (Ice JJ Fish): here with production as foil, comes this trashy attempt at actual R&B. Penny dreadful stuff.
10. Zillionaire (Flo Rida): this is for rappers dreaming of a career in grade one.
11. Hit Or Miss (Jacob Sartorius): singing about seeing through girls like Casper…sigh.
12. Where Are You Now? (Lady Leshurr feat. Wiley): not even one original bone running through this sorry excuse of a song.
13. Work From Home (Fifth Harmony): we’ve seen this bait so many times before. Yawn.
14. Over Here (Rae Sremmurd ft. Bobo Swae): displays an amazing lack of skill.
15. Who Be Lovin’ Me (Santigold feat. I Love Makonnen): speaking of lazy vocals, I Love Makonnen sounds like a stroke took him while putting down his contribution. By herself, Santigold gets the chill vibe right so a black mark for not omitting her turning an okay solo track into a duet.
16. What Time It Is (Ice JJ Fish): in a career that meanders from stunningly bad track to track, Ice JJ Fish at least has the thought to add production to his off-key horrible warbling. Still hopelessly bad but not the absolute worse of the year.
17. Me Too (Meghan Trainor): um, no Meghan, we don’t want to be you (whatever that is).
18. Closer (The Chainsmokers): another dud from last year’s champ.
19. White Privilege II (Macklemore &Ryan Lewis feat. Jamila Woods): pity this sucks because the idea was heartening.
20. No Money (Galantis): as bad as its unforgettable.
21. M.I.L.F.$ (Fergie): the definition of schizophrenic, shameless pop.
22. By Chance (Rae Sremmurd): lazily phoning things in.
23. Work (Rihanna feat. Drake): both Rih Rih and Drake have been pervasive in their obsession with Jamaica and here is what happens when that obsession becomes dark reality. From Rihanna’a lazy chorus to Drake’s insipidness, both miss out the heart of the culture they want to capture so desperately.
24. No (Meghan Trainor): tries so hard to project strength but fails.
25. Look Alive (Rae Sremmurd): if only the duo would only take the title of their own song’s advice.
26. Obama (Anohni): no President makes it out of office without a protest track so that within itself isn’t weird but while the human rights angles spins here, Anohni loses the plot every where else.
27. The Sound Of Silence (Disturbed): Paul Simon must cringe every time he hears this remake of his beloved song. I know I do.
28. The Life (Fifth Harmony): another shrinking violet.
29. Friends With Benefits (KSI): a song long in the making I’d imagine and sure enough the beat is pleasing enough but the culture-snatching lyric is the real offender.
30. Team (Iggy Azalea): with better lyrics, could have been tolerable.