Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Top 15 Worst Films of 2015 (That I Saw):

It's been a dismal year so why waste time examining the carcass? Here are the films that made me cringe the most:

1. Knock Knock: an absurd tale of a married man not being able to resist two young seductresses. If the plot wasn’t hooey enough, Keanu Reeves completely messes up every single line of dialogue that spews from his lips. (DIRECTED BY ELI ROTH)

2. Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda: B-movie obviously but damn, the alligators’ jaws don’t even move when eating human prey… (DIRECTED BY A.B. STONE)

3. The Boy Next Door: Jenny from the block in search of young white jock peen and it costs her far more than she thought it would, including nutty, wooden dialogue... over and over again. (DIRECTED BY ROB COHEN)

4. Seventh Son: the countless delays of this project was warning enough how putrid it is but even the global box office intake confirmed that the public didn’t care for Julianne Moore (who should have known better) as Mother Malkin, a witch who has a ridiculous decades-old battle with a hunter named Gregory, a drunk-sounding Jeff Bridges (working hella hard to land a Razzie). He’s, by far, the worst thing here—in a minefield of pretty horrible action all around. (DIRECTED BY SERGEI BODROV)

5. #Horror: shockingly senseless. (DIRECTED BY TARA SUBKOFF)

6. Zombieworld: gutter-level foolishness. 9DIRECTED BY VARIOUS PERSONS)

7. Mortdecai: the point at which the end of Johnny Depp’s box office appeal began. For once, the parody he performs runs flat and takes everyone out with him. Rated SU for severely unfunny. (DIRECTED BY DAVID KOEPP)

8. The Last Witch Hunter: for Vin Diesel, less should always be more, as in the words he speaks. (DIRECTED BY BRECK EISNER)

9. Ted 2: admittedly not as horrible as its prequel but even so the political incorrectness has long run thin. (DIRECTED BY SETH MACFARLANE)

10. The Ouija Experiment 2: insipid and basic. (DIRECTED BY ISRAEL LUNA)

11. Paul Blart Mall Cop 2: blah blah blah… (DIRECTED BY ANDY FICKMAN)

12. Poltergeist: taking an iconic scary 80s flick and cleansing it of any genuine scares in the name of modernism is just plain dumb. (DIRECTED BY GIL KENAN)

13. Vice: came out early in the year but its cheap-looking narrative hasn’t been forgotten nor Bruce Willis forgiven. (DIRECTED BY BRIAN A. MILLER)

14. Pay The Ghost: no year-end worst films list would be complete without Cage and he doesn’t disappoint in this B tepid pot-boiler. (DIRECTED BY ULI EDEL)

15. Terminator: Genisys: let’s hope Arnold won’t be back. (DIRECTED BY ALAN TAYLOR)