Saturday, December 6, 2014

Top 20 Worst Songs of 2014:

A bumper crop year so let’s dive right in…

1.The Chainsmokers Selfie: it was only a matter of time for such internet-related language to be turned into a crappy pop hit.

2. Play-N-Skillz feat. Redfoo, Lil Jon & Enertia McFly Literally, I Can’t: never knew a song could literally only be its chorus repeatedly. And the crunk as the aside only distracts temporarily.

3. Ricky Carty Gyal Tek Cocky: only in Jamaica is it hype for repeatedly violent sex seen as something accomplished.

4. Jason Derulo feat. Snoop Dogg Wiggle: I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: Derulo singing bout a children’s game or the dry chorus.

5. Spice & Vybz Kartel Conjugal Visit: its 2014, using certain raw words to describe the animalistic nature of a good fuck just isn’t startling anymore.

6. Florida Georgia Line Sun Daze: I’m not even sure what genre this is because the tiresome reference to ska is suffused by guitars and country-fed vocals…no wonder its such a mess.

7. Swans Some Things We Do: for such a highly-regarded band, this repetitive track is one huge clunker.

8. Lil B Fuck KD: nothing wrong with doing a diss track on a pro athlete, but at least make it good.

9. Avril Lavigne Hello Kitty: remember when Avril was semi-relevant as an emo artist? Now, all I can do is laugh and not in the good way.

10. Mkto Classic: name-dropping famous soul singers does not a classic make.

11. Weezer Back to The Shack: for such a highly-touted band, Weezer should know better.

12. Magic Rude: not even a serious effort to sound stoned, just hides behind the ska smokescreen.

13. The Bug feat. Death Grips Fuck A Bitch: wearisome misogyny masquerading as a serious track.

14. Lily Allen Air Balloon: not even her staunchest fan can defend this slick pop nothingness.

15. Ay Streatz Wut Chu Tryna Do: there’s a thin line between being a sex hound and being a joke. This is laughable at best.

16. Mary Lambert Secrets: tries to be smart but ends up a ridiculous parody instead.

17. 5 Seconds Of Summer She Looks So Perfect: the sad thing is that I think these guys really think they’re hardcore. Scary.

18. Mariah Carey You’re Mine: wretched 90s throwback.

19. Pitbull feat. G.R.L. Wild Wild Love: generic to its materialistic core.

20. Fergie feat. Yg L.A.Love (la la): her return single may have thematically travelled all over the globe but its stuck in transit in reality.

No comments: