Top 10 Worst Films of 2017 (That I Saw):

Another year, another incredibly batch of bad movies...i stopped after these 10:





1. Snatched: this is what Goldie Hawn’s 15 year film hiatus was interrupted for? Kmt.





2. Power Rangers: utterly irredeemable.





3. Transformers: The Last Knight: not even the presence of Sir Anthony helps a script this in tatters.





4. The Great Wall: white man hero rescues the East....yeah, we don’t need this wooden attempt at heroism.





5. Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Cities: shockingly bad and Rihanna’s bit doesn’t help.





6. Rings: it is time Samara gets her curtain call.





7. The Mummy: ancient Egyptian hooey.





8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: time to retire the entire crew when not even Barbarossa interests me.





9. Good Time: went in expecting much given how critics praised it and left wondering if i had watched a different film.





10. The Dark Tower: some projects should remain untouched, especially by untested directors.

The Top 30 Worst Songs of 2017:

Each year it gets harder limiting this list to a mere 30 songs: so many repeat offenders never tire of producing bad musov.

A few superlatives: four former year-end "champions" are back. The overall tally now has clear daylight between the top two artists...both prominent this year again.

Here is the list:







1. Playdough Cooked In Tea (Me & Me): literally a mini-EP full of the same sentence and drawn out horribly that not even IceJJFish could top. Very disturbing too.







2. Mans Not Hot (Big Shaq): every half-assed rapper wants to be Jamaican relevant.







3. Ice On Me (IceJJFish): last year’s worst find back with a vengeance.







4. Ohio Fried Chicken (Jake Paul): at first I thought this was satire but the dangerous thing about Paul is that he’s dead serious with this shit.







5. Rake It Up (Yo Gotti feat. Nicki Minaj): why is Nicki still on these failed thirst-trap projects.







6. Its Everyday Bro (Jake Paul): the Donald Trump of pop music this year.







7. Bingo (Jacob Sartorious): get ready to laugh—but not the good type of laugh.







8. Her Knight (IceJJFish): more retarded foolishness.







9. I Love You Bro (Jake Paul): the sentiment is noted but trashiness undeniable.







10. The Bone (IceJJFish): deliberate crap.







11. Creature (KSI): would be higher but, mercifully, it’s a short song.







12. Saturday Night (Jake Paul): this type of culture appropriation should be illegal.







13. I’m A Lady (Meghan Trainor): her wretchedness is unending.







14. Sheet (Spice): this from a so-called feminist?







15. DN Freestyle (Lil Yachty): a song that mentions turning someone’s mom into a pedophile…immediate pass.







16. Karate (Soulja Boy): he’s not even trying here.







17. Just Like That (IceJJFish): pointless.







18. Hit Em With The Draco (Soulja Boy): a diss track that, alas, will in turn get dissed by critics…like what I’m doing right now.







19. Juice (Lady Leshurr): well, at least the beat is good.







20. Hands Hurt (Soulja Boy): his thin-rap formula refuses to let up.







21. Peek A Boo (Lil Yachty): prime example why thirst rap is failing.







22. Break Up Every Night (The Chainsmokers): how they can follow up a line like, “she wants to break up every night” with, “then tries to fuck me back to life” is beyond reason.







23. Blame It On You (Charli XCX): still shamelessly trying—and failing—to be Billboard pop relevant.







24. Boys (Charli XCX): pointless repetition.







25. Middle Fingers (MISSIO): painful to listen right through.







26. Body Like A Back Road (Sam Hunt): the ludicrous result when country meets, gulp, bro-rap.







27. Bud Like You (AJR): this type of bro-rap should only be heard at football matches.






28. Bloodstream (The Chainsmokers): they say self-diagnosing oneself is the first step.







29. The Last Text (Jacob Sartorious): tries to be mature but a song about text messaging…oy.







30. Weak (AJR): the brothers feel harmonizing choruses can cover up…no they can’t.

IT'S BACK: THE YEAR-END LIST EXTRAGAVANZA!!!

Whoa, have I been absent but fear not....December is around the corner and that means lots of lists.


STAY TUNED AS OF TOMORROW!

THE TOP 10 BEST FILMS OF 2016...

Not a particularly great year in film but its been a hectic one. Here are the best films:









1. THE WITCH: the new wave of horror films continues its impressive streak with Eggers' debut, a daring risk of old Purtanical value system versus humanity in its starkest denial: yes its a battle between sin and good but trapped between is youth not sure which side it belongs on. And that iconic ending will haunt you long after the credits roll.





2. LA LA LAND: forget the weird backlash its faced in recent times, Chazelle has constructed the most positive musical since Moulin Rogue--a work of art that joyously celebrates life and love. it gives hope to so many trapped in the dreary routine that is constantly surrounding us.





3. MOONLIGHT:to be young, black, gifted and queer...the new cinematic look of gay African-American life is emerging not only in music but film too and Jenkins' astonishing film lets us know with the highs (acceptance from others) comes lows (teenage bullying) and, even more importantly, the resilence of survival.





4. CEMETARY OF SPLENDOUR: no other director takes the everyday mundane stuff and shapes it into fantastical simple things like Apichatpong Weerasethakul.





5. DON’T BREATHE: you will never look at a blind person again and doubt their capabilities. it's not technically a horror film but this is downright scary and nightmarish. bravo!





6. FENCES: a labour of love and it shows as Denzel and Viola trade fire and ice in an absorbing pas de deux.





7. ZOOTOPIA: sublime animation but its the reality of the diversity issue that really raises the stakes.





8. SING STREET: the oldest story in the world: boy meets girl, boy falls in love but girl is older and not really looking at him. That is until he makes her believe he's headlining in a rock band. From there, 'Sing Street' flows seamlessly into a sequence of uniform goodness--with great music taste along the way.





9. DON’T THINK TWICE: when friends move from congratulating you on the new promotion to outright jealously, 'Don't Think Twice' treads on the grey space carefully but its done with so much wit and honesty. It even had the incoming Trump presidency and SNL battle spot on.





10. CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR: the natural critically-approved successor to 'The Avengers', this one even surpasses it.