TOP 15 WORST FILMS OF 2023 (THAT I SAW):

 

Bad films happen but let's get them out of the way now!

1.WINNIE THE POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY (directed by Rhys Waterfield): 

the budget was $100,000. That’s all you need to know about this shitshow.

 

2. DON’T LOOK AWAY (directed by Michael Bafaro): 

a killer mannequin that only kills—or moves for that matter—once you look away. Yup, ideas are running extremely low in the horror genre of late. 

 

3. THE PRICE WE PAY (directed by Ryuhai Kitamura): 

feels like three bad ideas mashing into one very bad film flush with incredibly bad writing.

 

4. PET SEMETARY: BLOODLINES (directed by Lindsey Anderson Beer):

 to be fair, I guess someone was going to try and finally explore some origin story of the Stephen King novel but in the hands of Beer, nothing connects...especially the wooden acting and atrocious writing. 

  

5. THE FLOOD (directed by Brandon Slagle ) 

feels utterly reductive. 

 

6. TRANSFORMERS: RISE OF THE BEASTS (directed by Steven Caple Jr.) 

all the money spent and the robots talk and move so terribly?

 

7. THE BLACK DEMON (directed by Adrian Grunberg) 

feels insufferable, especially it’s one-dimensional writing.

 

8. RETRIBUTION (directed by Nimrod Antal) 

its about time Neeson give up the TAKEN ghost.

 

9. KNIGHTS OF THE ZODIAC (directed by Tomasz Bagiński)  

nothing is wrong with mixing a little myth with live action but this flop is clearly not it.

 

10. MEG 2: THE TRENCH (directed by Ben Wheatley) 

really messed its shark suspense up. 

TOP 20 WORST SONGS OF 2023:

 

Bad music is bad music and there was no shortage this year. Here are the ones I suffered through the most:

 

1.Spider Man (Yuno Miles): 

dud one. 

2. Abraham Lincoln (Yuno Miles): 

dud two. 

3. Indiana Jones (Yuno Miles): 

dud three. 

4. Kai Cenat Barber (Yuno Miles): 

dud four. 

5. Your America (Tom MacDonald & Adam Calhoun): 

finally plays his right-leaning ideology. 

6. End Of The World (Tom MacDonald feat. John Rich): 

bland Americana music. 

7. Race War (Tom MacDonald & Adam Calhoun): 

still trying to convince himself that everything is fair in the very America he loves to decry. 

8. Numb Up (Macka Diamond): 

there is no stopping her apparently. 

9. Mission Impossible (Sebii): 

remarkably awful. 

10. Gang Gang Gang (Jack Harlow): 

tries to tell a tale but Harlow isn’t a masterful rapper or tale teller. 

 

11. American Flags (Tom MacDonald & Adam Calhoun): 

seeing enemies in every line and still utterly dull. 

12. Maybe Man (ARJ):

 insufferable! 

13. Pump Rock X Heavy Metal (Lil Pump): 

I will never understand why zero-rated talented artists think that trying their hands on various genres feel they will succeed. 

14. Chanel Pit (Tierra Whack): 

at this point, she is not even trying. 

15. Yes I’m A Mess (ARJ): 

well, the title says it all. 

16. Mother (Meghan Trainor): 

*sigh* a messy genre all unto herself. 

17. SH SH SH (Hit That) (DVBBS ft. Wiz Khalifa, urfavxboyfriend, Goldsoul): 

I am not even sure what the chorus was doing but it still is a disaster. 

18. Boys Like Toys (Blanka): 

vapid pop for the TikTok generation. 

19. Mathematical Disrespect (Lil Mabu): 

the dreaded white-boi pop/rap. 

20. Life In A Locker (Powfu): 

the dreaded white-boi emo/rock. 

RE: YEAR-END LISTOMANIA 2023!!!

 

We resume the annual year-end lists tomorrow. See you there!